Falling Off the Wagon

OK, so it's been two months since my last post. So much for keeping up with this, right? I have fallen off the wagon with my healthy lifestyle. Stress and grief got the best of me. It felt like it was just one thing after the other. Shin splints stopped me from running...again. My close friend passed away, then another friend passed away just a week later. Things at work piled up. Once I had missed a week of my normal workout routine, all hope seemed lost, and I have been very sporadic with my workouts since. I have fallen back into my emotional eating, and I just feel like I can't get a grip on things.

I tried to do all of this without paying extra anywhere. For example: I already pay to use the workout room at my apartment complex, so why pay more for a gym membership? I already go grocery shopping weekly, might as well just buy healthier foods. But I still can't stick with anything. It's a tough realization to come to. Why can't I keep it going? Why do I essentially give up after each try?

Below is a side by side view of me with 5 years difference. My husband and I recently celebrated our first wedding anniversary by visiting one of our favorite places: the North Georgia/North Carolina mountains. We visited this area for our one year dating anniversary five years ago (and many times since that first trip). Seeing the pictures side by side really shocked me. Have I really gained THAT much weight in just five years? It's not like I've gained 200 pounds, or anything outrageous like that, but it is disheartening to see that it is that noticeable.

This is just not acceptable anymore. I mentioned to my husband something about joined Weight Watchers Online, because I know several people who have had success with it. He broke my heart a little when he commented (shockingly), "Why pay for something like that, when you're not going to stick with it?" I know he didn't mean it the way it sounded, but it was a little guilt trip for me. He's right.

I feel like I am doing this alone. I don't workout with anyone. I don't have a trainer. I don't have friends close by who will workout with me. My husband eats just as horribly as I do. My husband and I are on different schedules, so it's hard for us to commit to this together.

If anyone has any suggestions to help me get my motivation back, please share. I'm not ashamed to say that I have fallen off the fitness wagon, but I do want to get back on. I'm past the "looking good" phase of it, and I'm now in the "I'm just not healthy" part. If I continue down this path, it will not be good, I know. Help!